Making Decisions
I was recently struck by the many decisions one needs to make in a day. There are the small ones, "should I have another cup of coffee?" or the larger ones "should I attend an international conference?" Children, too, are making decisions repeatedly throughout their day. "Do I do the math homework first, or the science homework?" or "Who shall I sit with at lunch?" Maybe there is a question "should I practice the review pieces or the new piece first?" This has led me to wonder how we are educating our children to be able to make decisions.
In simplistic terms, we often consider two types of decisions: the ones that utilize the left side of the brain (analytical) and those that use the right side of the brain (intuitive). We also know that the brain is highly complex, and that the frontal lobe (executive function) differs from the amygdala (primal instincts) so only looking at two types of decisions is not complete. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from reading Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, and I could really relate to the story he tells where if you are thinking analytically and occupying your brain with information, you are going to eat and snack on more cookies than you intend. This is because your brain is busy solving problems, and the part of your brain that is going to tell you that you are full and don't need to eat anymore is not being engaged. Thus, if the question is, "should I eat another cookie?" the answer is going to be "yes."
Nevertheless, I am wondering about how we can model for our children the process of good decision making. Instinct in a situation may first take over. Children will form an opinion, "I like my teacher", "I feel good about this space" or "I like this subject in school" -- because it fits into their "sense" of the situation. However, we want children to engage in going outside their comfort zone. We want them to learn new concepts, meet new people, and try new things. As parents, this is a challenge that we face for ourselves, but how do we approach both the feelings of our children but also steer them towards good decision making?
"Beyond the social realm, however, our intuitions often lead us astray—and often in predictable ways. And that’s where analytical thinking becomes important. Even if our rapid-response intuitive system is wrong, our slower, more effortful analytical system can bring us to the best decision." David Ludden, Ph.D.(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201610/which-is-more-important-intuitive-or-analytical-thinking)
When a mathematician encounters a difficult problem or when we encounter a big decision like choosing a college or university, we use "pondering" to find our solution. The unsolved problem percolates in the back of our minds as we go through our day to day lives. After time has passed, and with adequate sleep and manageable stress levels, a new insight often materializes. The brain is working "in the background" and during sleep filters out unnecessary information. Eventually the input remaining makes the decision clearer providing the insight to making the right decision. That is, intuition and insight are not the same thing.
For a child, it may be that the answer to the question, "do I want to practice?" is usually "no." It is an impulse to say this. We learn as Suzuki teachers not to ask the "yes or no" questions by substituting with either/or questions. For example, 'do you want to start with the Bach or the Vivaldi piece?" The deeper question is often "do we allow our students to quit an instrument, when they say I don't want to practice?" We need to look at the data, sleep on it, and come out with an insightful answer. Sometimes this answer is simply to not focus so much on just technique but shift to reading and review where enjoying the music is reawakened. The solution is not to quit, but to shift focus.
In our Suzuki lessons, after a student performs or plays through a piece, we like to ask "what did you think?" Based upon their observations on how well they played, the decision about what to work on becomes more apparent. If a student plays really well, I like to ask "what should we work on next?" Sometimes the students believe they are ready for the next piece, but it is our job to help the student achieve an even higher level of playing. I have a list of elements in the music learning process that starts from no.1: "learning the notes," to no. 14: "creating an atmosphere or mood" or no. 16: "playing with personal style." When a student is at the highest level of playing, they no longer are thinking technically, but rather expressively and interpretively. These are analytical decisions and with insight it will tell them if they have attained the right feelings, styles and musical character in their performance.
As parents, helping our children learn to make decisions is also including them in the process of one's own decisions. One element is discovering if one lacks the right information to make the decision. How does one seek more information? What is the data that led to your decision? What was the research you did? What doubts do you have about your decision? What fears do you have?
In helping our children practice at home, I find that asking questions is more useful than reminding, reprimanding, or even interrupting their playing. If a wrong note is being played, listening to the recording together can be a solution. If the wrong fingering is being used, ask the student to say out loud his fingering. If he can tell you what IS his fingering this might lead to the discovery that fingering has a logic behind it. Why did he decide on that fingering to use?
At the Suzuki School, we have a firm commitment to the process of learning and it is a journey in discovery. Exploring the beauty of the music comes with the experience of "pondering" the ultimate expressive goal of the piece of music by frequent listening to the professional recordings. Working on all the technical demands first and then arriving at the point where our mastery leads us to communicate mood, feelings and our personal styles is an important long-term process. Encouraging our children to believe in themselves and follow this process is a challenge. They are not as experienced in making the decisions that will affect their long-term future. We must show patience, understanding and our own vulnerability as we teach them how they, too, can make decisions and problem solve in the future.
Sachiko Isihara
